We all have a group of friends that we’ve built bonds with, celebrated birthdays for, and opened up to…but when does it become detrimental to self-growth?


It’s All About Them


If your friend is having a tough time, it’s normally your obligation to support to listen. However, if the issue at hand is becoming repetitive and there’s no sign of change or progression, it may be time to reduce your time spent.


They’re Negative
You can’t grow when you complain all the time. How can you? Complaining accomplishes nothing. Negativity, like positivity, can be infectious and it can poison one’s thoughts. If your friend is negative, urge them to reassess the situation they’re in…if they’re negative towards you, either try to understand the ‘why’ or cut them off.


They Lie
Similar to all relationships, a foundation of trust is necessary in building long-lasting and strong bonds. If your friend is constantly lying, reevaluate your friendship. A white lie can easily spin into a dark one. Also, if someone is lying, their internal dialogue is probably filled with lies as well.

Non-Mutual
If you notice your time is spent supporting your friend and helping them, yet you’re not receiving the same attention or support, it’s a good time to reevaluate why you’re spending time with this person. We’re not meant to live life helping people who exclusively help us, too — so it’s a good idea to not write someone off because they’re unable to ‘help’ you. However, if you notice a friend is taking advantage of you or trespassing across your boundaries, these factors are non-helpful except to the benefactor. Boundaries are important in all aspects of life as they help your self-care.


Jealousy
Whenever a friend or person puts down an accomplishment, it’s easy to assume it’s “who they are…” or “they’re having a bad day…”. It’s healthier to not believe every negative comment towards you is due to jealousy. However, if you are noticing that a friend is not supportive of your goals or life pursuits, they may end up being a road block. Friends can be great in suggesting ideas and advice, since they have grown to understand you, but when the advice is severely abrasive or puts you down, don’t let them into your vortex. Continue with your self-belief.

Overall, friends can be a source of positivity and growth. Sometimes we get caught up in the length of time we’ve grown a friendship to realize that we’ve become a crutch. Being a crutch doesn’t help your friend grow nor does it help you, so switch off the need of approval and dig into your self — what do you want in life and are those around you pushing you up or pulling you down.